2006-05-21
My Sky Plans
On the walk home from work on Thursday, I stepped on a flyer for Columbia House or something like that. Is that what it's called? The one where you order a bunch of CD's for 1 cent a piece but really they'll charge you a lot more? Well, anyway, this gave me an idea, a plan of sorts.
For fun, I decided, I am going to start a CD collection instead of burning all my CD's. I also decided, I am going to buy them off e-bay so I will have packages waiting in the mail for me when I get home from work and that will be something to look forward to. People might laugh at me for that and tell me to get a life but I don't care, they tell me that now anyway. I used to know how to have fun and make myself happy, and I think this is a great idea.
So. I haven't figured out which one I am buying first. This got me thinking, about what I look forward to these days. When I was a little younger, I imagined big things for myself maybe majoring in fine arts or going into aviation and becoming a pilot. I had given a lot of serious consideration about the latter, and only told my father about it once over lunch. He stopped eating, looked at me, and said, that I should do it.
"Yeah. You should do that. You could do it, you know""I think so, Dad. But I don't know"
"Your Uncle was a pilot. You could do it"
I don't think he ever told anyone about that plan, at least I hope he didn't. I had, and still have paranoid thoughts about what people would have said about it, or betting I would fail. I myself didn't think I could really do it and I still don't because I simply don't feel smart enough. If I told Guy --My guy, who I will just call Guy from now on-- about this, he would probably laugh at me. I don't think Guy thinks I am the brightest girl in the world and has insinuated so many times before, and he is right. I didn't get decent grades, and my hand with a pen in it still visibly shakes at work when I am doing the simplest math. I never had anything really that I held my head high about as My Thing, or The Thing I am Gifted at.
My parents have all kinds of degrees and training. My sister is talented, and she works at what she loves for a living. I haven't found that yet.
I'm too tired to worry about this now. I'm off to surf EBay. That's my plan.
illfortune at 8:11 p.m.
Listening to: Scarborough Fair - Simon & Garfunkel
Feeling: Sad
Wanting: Cake with white frosting and sprinkles